A Guide To Corporate/Office Speak

A bit of, hopefully, humor from around the net, and also before the net.

IN THE PROCESS: So wrapped in red tape that the situation is almost helpless.

A PROGRAM: Any assignment that can’t be completed by one telephone call.

EXPEDITE: To confound with commotion

TO IMPLEMENT A PROGRAM: Hire more people and expand the office.

UNDER CONSIDERATION: Never heard of it.

RELIABLE SOURCE: The guy you just met.

INFORMED SOURCE: The guy who told the guy you just met.

UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE: The guy who started the rumor originally.

A CLARIFICATION: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

WE ARE MAKING A SURVEY: We need more time to think of an answer.

NOTE AND INITIAL: Let’s spread the responsibility for this.

SEE ME: Come down to my office, I am lonesome.

LET’S GET TOGETHER ON THIS: I assume you are as confused as I am.

WILL ADVISE YOU IN DUE COURSE: If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.

EXPERT: A person who avoids all small errors as he sweeps toward the grand fallacy.

CONSULTANT: Any ordinary guy, with a briefcase, more than 50 miles away from home.

RESEARCH WORK: Looking for the jerk who moved the files.