Even if Bonnie does have some of my good looks. I seem to have all the bad ones.
But I also don’t charge $200 an hour:
But I will anyway.
This isn’t and wasn’t me.
Three very important points:
First, I am not that tall.
Second, I do not have teeth that long.
And finally: They went with the lowest bidder.
Only one, but if it involves swapping out a fluorescent tube and installing an LED replacement in an under cabinet fixture, and it needs the starter and ballast bypassed, it can get just a bit involved.
It went something like this: Acquire LED replacement, set aside for a few days until there is time to do things in one go and be done.
Remove plastic diffuser/cover from fixture. Remove old fluorescent tube. See ‘Lights of America’ on said tube and be amazed the damn thing ever worked at all (Had previous experience with LoA products. Refuse to give the bastages any more money – ever.) Remove mounting screw number 1 and set aside. Remove mounting screw number 2 and hear it drop… somewhere. Somewhere being nowhere nice and obvious. Make guess it’s in the most annoying place as that’s how things go. Remove plastic cover over wiring. Put both big plastic pieces in sink of soapy water and wonder at how something under a cabinet can get that dirty.
Double check diagram for changing from fluorescent to LED. Remove heavy inductor. Remove starter setup. Strip wires, cut & pre-place shrink tubing, splice, solder, emplace shrink tubing. Repeat for other wire. Cuss as wrong wire is cut and do it all over an extra time. Shrink the shrink tubing. Both All three pieces. Clean inside of fixture. Re-position wiring and (unlike the Lights of America manufacturer) add a bit of strain-relief to power cord.
Clean up plastic covers. Dry them. Dry them again, just to be sure. Plug empty fixture in and switch on. No smoke, no bang, no popped breaker. Good. Add LED tube and… HUZZAH! It works without having to fiddle with anything more. Unplug. NOW put cover on. Repeat smoke/bang test. No smoke, no bang, light still works. Still good. Remove LED tube so mounting holes are accessible.
Start clearing counter and cleaning it up, looking for that missing screw. Sure enough, it fell not onto the counter, but into the Jar-O-Things (mostly pens, some of which even write). Remove various Things. Finally re-acquire the screw.
Look under cabinet to see… oh my word, that needs cleaning first. Clean it. Clean it again. Wonder just what the HELL does that, clean it again and decide it’s good enough. Get first screw partly in, get fixture onto it. Try to get second screw started. Cuss. Repeat. A few times. Dig up small laser pointer. Mount same in chip-bag clip to keep the little button pressed. Prop it all up precariously… with the beam aimed at the screw hole in the cabinet. Get second screw started while being a bit amazed the lashup works long enough. Stow clip, stow laser, finish putting the fixture back into place proper.
Put LED tube in for the hopefully final time. Check it. Works. Look over light cover/diffuser. Which way it goes on matters, but isn’t obvious. Guess wrong, of course. Try again. Finally done.
Except now the counter is partly really clean and neat and mostly bigger nastier mess. Spend even more time sorting, cleaning, organizing. Finding.. good Heavens, that place closed years ago. Toss about half the pens. If they don’t write in a few seconds, they’re not going to. But at least there’s good light for all this.
Decide the last bits of cleaning and sorting can wait. Mix Manhattan and relax a bit.
* Orvan moos.
$HOUSEMATE: You can’t moo that.
Orvan: I just did.
$HOUSEMATE: You still can’t moo that.
Orvan: What do you want, a high-altitude ballistic tapioca pudding?
$HOUSEMATE: That’d be silly.
Orvan: Yes, nowadays you’d want a cruise pudding.